I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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