I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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