Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize