just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize