I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize