i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
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He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
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Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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