and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
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The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
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We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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