the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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