Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize