Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
This house was built for laser tag.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
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So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
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he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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