Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize