grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize