Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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