I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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