is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Come on in and take your pants off
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