He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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