saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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