A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
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I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
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Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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