I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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