Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
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Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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