The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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