He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
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You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
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He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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