and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
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She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
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He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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