I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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