it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
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I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
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Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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