my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
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I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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