you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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