I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
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They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
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Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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