Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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