I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
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Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
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Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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