we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
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It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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