Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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