Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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