yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
is wine microwaveable?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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