in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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