I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
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Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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