My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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