Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize