I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize