Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize