I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
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He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
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I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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