he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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