The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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