he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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