It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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