We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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