i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
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We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
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Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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