This girl is more easily done than said...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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