Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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