thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You made out with two different species that night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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